Dear Shadow... Advice for cats, from a cat

shadow@momandpups.com

 

Dear Shadow,

My humans are always closing the door, but I want the door to stay open all the time.  Please help!

Pawfully yours,
Furman G.
Marietta, GA
Dear Furman,

This is a major problem with humans.  Next time the door is open, go and stand in the doorway, half in and half out.  Do not move, no matter what they say or do.  Ignore their pleading for you to make up your mind.  They might eventually give up and just leave the door open.

If this doesn't work, try a move I call the "back and forth."  First, scratch on the door and meow.  Go through the door.  As soon as the door closes, scratch and whine for it to open.  Repeat several times.  Again, they might just give up and leave it open.  Good luck with this!

Shadow



Dear Shadow,

My humans always insist on reading--books, newspapers, the internet, you name it.  How can I make them stop???

Half-sincerely,
Bristles N.
Vinings, GA
Dear Bristles,

As you know, promoting human illiteracy is a key part of the feline plan for world domination.

As soon as your human opens a book or newspaper, go and sit on it.  Purr to distract them.  If they try to push you off, get right back on.  Whatever you do, don't let them see any of the words on the page.

With computers, I find it best to stand in front of the screen.  Be sure to stand parallel so that your body blocks the entire monitor.  For added effect, walk on the keyboard--this will cause confusion and frustration, possibly causing them to stop reading.  Again, it is important to purr and act cute in this situation.

Shadow



Dear Shadow,

I love your column!  Makes me purr every time.

My question: My humans are eating a really yummy-smelling meal right now.  How can I get a bite for myself?

Your Furry Fan,
Nibbles
Woodstock, GA

Dear Nibbles,

Go into another room in the house and climb on a high shelf, preferably one with lots of knickknacks, tchotckes and/or bric-a-brac.  Knock something off.  Run out of the room.

When your humans go to investigate, jump up on the dining room table, grab something meaty, and run away before they return.  Find yourself a closet or other nook and snack away!

Shadow



Dear Shadow,

Why do u get to rite a advise colomn columm cullum thing?  i'm on the mom and pups logo so i shuld get a collomn colom my own thing.  its not fair and who r u to give advice when u r so lazy and don't even chase the ball ever?

Violet
(the dog that lives in yer house)
violet@momandpups.com

Dear Violet,

I just ate the canned food from your doggie dish.  Does that answer your question?

Shadow




If you are a cat, submit your questions to shadow@momandpups.com.

Shadow has been a cat for more than 10 years and has lots of opinions.  He is unemployed and enjoys sleeping, eating, catnip, scratching various objects, and sleeping.